HOW GOD FREED ME FROM A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

 Testimony Tuesday: How God Freed Me from an Abusive Relationship – Erica's Story

In this heartfelt episode of 'Where Is Your Voice' podcast, Erica shares her powerful testimony about escaping a five-year emotionally, physically, and spiritually abusive relationship. She discusses her journey from a toxic marriage to a manipulative relationship with an ex-convict, detailing the struggles and red flags she encountered. Despite the turmoil, Erica found strength and healing through her faith in Jesus Christ. By turning to God, attending church, and meditating on scripture, Erica overcame rejection, people-pleasing, and identity issues. Now, she walks in peace, love, and joy, attributing her freedom and transformation to her relationship with Christ. Tune in to be inspired and encouraged by Erica's powerful testimony of resilience and faith.

#TestimonyTuesday #AbusiveRelationships #FaithJourney #HealingThroughChrist #ChristianPodcast #SurvivorStory #SpiritualHealing #GodsLove #JesusSaves #FreedomInChrist

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:46 The Beginning of a Toxic Relationship
01:59 Red Flags and Manipulation
03:40 The First Major Incident
04:59 The Cycle of Abuse
09:06 Discovering the Truth
17:17 Attempts to Break Free
22:37 Turning to Faith for Healing
25:57 Scriptures for Strength
28:04 Final Prayer and Farewell 

Transcript

 A Journey from Pain to Peace: Erika's Testimony on Healing"
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[00:00:00] 


Introduction and Welcome
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Five years. That's how long I stayed in an on and off, again relationship that was emotionally, physically, and spiritually abusive. And if you would have told me back then that God will pull me out. And heal parts of me I didn't even know were broken. I wouldn't have believed you. So before I jump in on my testimony, my name is Erica and welcome to Where Is Your Voice podcast.

My topic today for testimony Tuesday is how God freed me from a toxic relationship that I praise God still for today. 


The Beginning of a Toxic Relationship
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Well, I used to be married and that marriage was toxic as well, and I decided to leave that marriage for my children, and I had this mindset that I was gonna leave [00:01:00] for Jesus and just focus on strengthening my relationship with him.

But a coworker of mine was trying to hook me up with an old coworker that I knew. And I was a little attractive to, but in my mind he was a player, so I was hesitant to give him any time. 


Red Flags and Early Warnings
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But in my brokenness from my marriage ending and my old friend convincing me that he was a good guy, I decided to give him a chance, even though everything about him screams red flag.

But his words, he says he has been single for five years. He was in prison for 12 years. He was a cook at a restaurant. Never been to church. His whole, his whole life, and he was 12 years older than me and he just gave player. [00:02:00] But when he spoke to me, his words were soothing. Then oil, he always knew what to say.

I told him that I didn't wanna sleep with him, and he was okay with that. So he said, I told him I didn't wanna get in a relationship with him, and he was okay with that. I just thought he was charismatic, trustworthy, masculine, funny because he told the funniest stories and also he was whining and dining me like every week, anytime we went on a date, he was.

So romantic. He would have gifts for me, flowers, a bottle. He would pull out the chair for me. He was a gentleman on the date. Feeding me. He would dress so nice on every day and he smelled amazing. I was quickly falling for him, and his place was decorated, like a page in a designer magazine. [00:03:00] I never seen a man decorate his home like this, but his bedroom did make me think that maybe.

He might be a player because the bedroom was wall to wall with mirrors, and even though it was decorated nice, it just gave dungeon in like a dark way. 


First Signs of Abuse
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Then I started to notice his actions were not consistent I brought my concerns to my friend who hooked me up with him, and I told my friend, this guy is 12 years older than me, but he seems immature in the way he acts and how inconsistent he is.

My friend reassured me that I was overthinking and to just relax. So I kept talking to him and one night he invited me over. At a late time, because he worked late nights. But he also said that we would just talk. He would respect my wishes of not sleeping with him.

So I go over his house, but I didn't drive. I [00:04:00] let him pick me up and by this time I was smiting as a kitten for him. So of course when he invites me to his home late at night, because he had been so great in other ways, I thought I could trust him going over his home to spend the night.

Late night when I go over there, he tried all night to sleep with me. He tries so hard. I started crying. In his bed and he stopped for a bed after that and fell asleep. The next morning he tried again and he literally was like not letting up until the point where he just actively started to play with himself in front of me.

And I sat there like. What is happening right now. And after he finished, he apologized and took me home. And at home I was like, this is not the person that I should continue to date. 


Manipulation and Control
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[00:05:00] But by this time I was smitten. So I started to lie to myself about what was really happening, but the cause and text started to slow up and I knew he was losing patience for me, and I thought.

And that thought triggered a pain that was deep in me that I didn't even know at the time God will heal, but it was a fear of rejection. Deep rooted down in my heart. So in that fear, I started to plead with him that I would sleep with him. Eventually, I started telling him more about how I felt about him to keep him engaged, which did work.

We started going back on dates again. He started giving me gifts again. He was reaching out to me consistently, and then he asked me to come over again, but before a date we were going on. So I go to his house and he's like, let's chill for a second. Before we go on our date, and he offered me a drink and he didn't really drink or do any [00:06:00] substances really, but he always kept liquor at his house, which I did think was odd.

But I liked to drink at the time, so I also felt like it was a vibe. He made me one drink and we started watching the movie and I started to like pass out. And I remember he asked me to come to his room for a moment, and at that moment it gets fuzzy. I just remember walking to his room and then I thought I was having a dream about going around the world.

I remember hearing Go east, then go west, and then bam. I wake up and I notice him. On top of me, but not knowing how, or even if I gave him the choice to do this to me, in my mind, I felt like it would have been impossible for me to have given him the okay to do this because I was currently on my cycle and I knew that I had a tampon inside of me.

So I was [00:07:00] like. I was just like, wait. I was trying to kind of figure out what was happening. 'cause I was like in and out of sleep too at the same time. So, like I said, his room was wall to wall to mirror. So I looked in the mirror trying to understand what is happening and then like a huge pit hits my stomach.

That I know I am being taken advantage of, but I didn't know what to do. Like I was paralyzed in fear about what was happening, so I started to lie to myself and allow it to happen. Until he was done. And once he was done, I went to the bathroom to see if the tampon was still inside of me and it was still there.

And that hurt me even more because even though I lied to myself about what was happening, that tampon was confirming to me that he did take advantage of me. How I thought I only had one drink that he gave me. 


The Breaking Point
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Did he slip something in my drink? No way. He would never do that. Like he is too nice. [00:08:00] He's so charismatic.

Everyone loves him. He is well respected. No way he would do that to me. I said, when I came out the bathroom, he nervously asked, is everything all right? And I was like, yes it is. I just need to get home. So I gather my things and he handed me some money, which I thought was odd as well. And I left. When I got home, I told two of my two friends what happened.

The friend that hooked me up with him was like, they didn't really say anything, but they did make a face that showed that they thought maybe something did happen. And my second friend had told me to call the police because in her mind. She was like, there's no way. He definitely did something to you, but when she was telling me to call the police, I was like, no, because like I don't think he would do that.

So instead of calling the police, I called a rape line, and the rape line told me to go to the hospital called the police, because your story sounds like a date rape [00:09:00] incident. I didn't listen to them at all. I stayed dating them. After that night. It was like he instantly changed into this. Sexual deviant, and he was constantly pushing my boundaries in ways that I will never mention.

But what was the most alarming was how often I would lose my memory. Like on a lot of nights I would sleep at his house. I wouldn't remember the next day what happened. It was like I would black out. But when I would ask him, he was, he would always, he always said, because I was drunk, but this never happened before I met him, so one day.

He tells me when I was at his house, he let a friend watch us, but I didn't know that it happened because I was too drunk. And when we would engage, he would constantly bring this story up, which was unsettling to me, but I just went along with it. Of course, it was toxic. He already got what he wanted, .

[00:10:00] The real hy was starting to appear, but by this time I was far too in. And if I did or say anything wrong, he would cut off all communication instantly. And that always kept me on edge with him because the rejection from someone as bad as him was just too much from my heart to bear. Anytime he would stop calling me, my heart would start racing and it felt like I couldn't.

Breathe. Think without him, I would just feel paralyzed. How did he have this much control over me already? I didn't understand it, but I kept going along. Then people started telling me that he is in a relationship already with a coworker, and just so happened it was a coworker. He always talked bad about.

So my ex always talked mess about everyone, even his friends. No one was better than him in his own eyes, but this girl he mainly [00:11:00] talked about in detailed and it did make me think that there, that they were messing around. But I would ask him about it and he swore that it wasn't true. He even tried to fight people who were telling me this to try to confirm this was a lie.

And at the time we were spending like almost every night together. So he would say, I'm always with you, so how could I be with anyone else? The next thing you know, his coworker that everyone is saying he's in a relationship with, sends me a friend request on Facebook and I don't work with them. She doesn't know me, so I thought.

It has to be something going on. So I accepted her friend request and started to monitor her. . Also, she was not the only girl that he worked with that I was concerned about as well. But the other girls I asked, and they all said that they were not sleeping with him. So this is another reason why I thought maybe he was being honest about this [00:12:00] coworker on Facebook, but.

She started to message me and we started chatting. She told me about a guy she was messing with, but can't tell anyone because he's much older. The girl was only 22 and he was like 45 at the time. And he was already much older than me, so when she said he was older than her, I kept digging and sure enough they were in a relationship.

So I confronted him about it and he kept saying that she is lying. She is crazy. He. Even had her send me a message saying that she was lying, just used his name because she didn't want to expose the real person, but she had already told me too much details about him, so I knew she was lying when she sent that message.

So I stopped talking to him and he stopped talking to me. Instantly, which hurt my heart a lot. , Wow, you're not even gonna try [00:13:00] and win me back. And that kept me in like a constant chase of what he was up to. So I stayed monitoring the girl page on Facebook until I saw what he did for her birthday a month later and just so happened, we have the same birthday.

So I was interested to see. What he did for her birthday, and he went all out for her birthday, which only sent me in a blind rage of negative emotions that he chose her over me and what is so special about her that he chose her over me. I told myself this and decided to reach out to him to see what he would do.

He started texting me all night. As if he was missing me so much, and I knew he was with her at the same time, but I didn't know for sure because she never posted who she was with, just what she was doing. So I assumed it was him, [00:14:00] but he was texting me so much I thought maybe she is with someone else, but now we're back communicating.

But now I'm like his little secret side thing and I was okay with it. Because I still got the perks of the relationship, but without being in one, even though he told me a different story, I knew the truth and eventually the girl did post. Who she was on a date with on her birthday a couple months later, and after she did, I reached out to her to let her know that me and him have been seeing each other, but her response and tone this time was like, come up here to my job so I can kick your butt.

This is my man. You're lying. You're a hoe and a drunk. You dress like a slut. He talks so much trash about you. It's no way he's messing with you. So I said. Okay, think like that. I'm gonna keep messing with him and you know, in my petty [00:15:00] mindset and that I did and he was spoiling me in the process anything I wanted, he got it for me.

He gave me money for my kids birthday, holidays, bills, gifts. Any, any and every time he came over, he never came over empty handed. So I told myself I was okay with being with him in a secret, even though he was never being honest with me. I knew the truth, but deep down inside the truth was hurting my heart far more than I wanted to omit.

I couldn't believe I was allowing myself to endure this with someone I knew was bad. And it just even wasn't worth the harm they were causing me mentally. But the thought of him rejecting me again was just too much to bear. Meanwhile, the other girl he's in a relationship with starts to learn the truth.

One day she was brave enough to search in his phone, and she reached out to me [00:16:00] instantly. And I told her, I tried to tell you, but you didn't wanna believe me. He had moved her in his home. So she confronted him as well, and they got into this huge fight where the police were called and he was on the phone with me while they were fighting and he was telling her that he doesn't want to be with her anymore.

He hadn't wanted to be with her for a long time, and she is in full rage. He's antagonizing her, telling her that I'm coming over his house tonight and what we're going to do. It was crazy, but in my mind, I was like, yes, I won. But I was wrong. I didn't want anything because nothing about him was a prize.

And that was about to be worse than I ever thought it could be with him. And they ended everything. I found out there were other women, a lot of other women, after they ended [00:17:00] everything . I was on a constant chase of catching him. I would spend hours on most days stalking different women online that were in fact messing around with him.

But they would always lie when I would ask him, and he was lying too, so it was hard to catch him. Meanwhile, he started to become abusive to me always he came over my house every night after work, and if I declined, he would come anyway. Once when I declined, he tried to kick my door in.

And when he would come over, I would never know what temperament he would be in. So I was always in terror right before he came over because he started to become crazy and would start arguments with rage about anything. For instance, he was snooping my phone when I fell asleep. And he didn't sleep much, which I think is like his demonic power or something.

But he would look in my phone and get [00:18:00] enraged about things that had happened well before I knew him. And he would say it's because I should have deleted it. He would stalk my house to make sure I was home and make sure nobody was at my home. One time at 1:00 PM my daughter caught him staring through our window while I was sleeping and missed his phone calls.

'cause he would do this like. Two call texting, like he would call twice and then text, and if I didn't answer, then he would come looking. I couldn't hang with anyone, even with coworkers, I would be in trouble. He always thought I was sleeping with everyone and sometimes he would even ask me to send him videos of me sleeping with someone else.

He just never respected any of my boundaries. But I never sat any with him either for the fear of losing him, and I started to get fed up of this toxic relationship that I knew wasn't going [00:19:00] anywhere, and he was abusing me now on a regular basis. So I got a restraining order and I tried to get him arrested for the last time he beat me, which was so bad.

It left bruises all over my body and he raped me right after it. 


Seeking Help and Finding Faith
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But the judge threw the case out even with my evidence, but the restraining order stayed so I knew for a year I was free of him. That year I started to work on myself. I had gained so much weight with I when I was with him, so I started to work out and pour into myself more.

But that year, even though I had put a restraining order on him, it bothered me that he was able to walk away from the relationship so easy. It made me wonder did he ever love me in the first place. So a few months before the restraining order was over, I reached out to him and I was [00:20:00] like, , it was like when I reached out to him, he was back. How he was in the beginning. And I thought maybe we needed this break, so I decided to give him another chance. Plus, I wanted him to see like how much weight I had lost because a part of me believed he treated me badly because of how I looked.

So I thought now that I look better, he will treat me better. Wrong again. It was actually worse this time around than last time. He was less abusive, but he was more controlling and the cycle of other women, us breaking up, getting back together, continued for a while. He started to do things to abuse me in different ways, like stealing all my money, my phone, stealing my laptop, and holding it in hostage until I got back with him.

He. Would punch holes in my house, break my tv. He fla my tires. Call me all [00:21:00] sorts of names and talk bad about my kids, my mothering skills, me as a person, just terrible. But I just didn't understand why it was so hard for me to leave him alone when I knew he was so bad for me. So I started to reach out to psychics.

And they would tell me all sorts of lies mixed with truth, which never helped. So I started to join a class for narcissism because I assumed he must be one. But that didn't work either. And every time we broke up and got back together, it would be worse each time with a new woman in the mix, each time it was driving me crazy.

One woman he had proposed to while we were on a break. And she had put a tracker on his car and she was a Christian life coach, but would act just as crazy as he was. She would pop up at my house at 2:00 AM ringing my doorbell and [00:22:00] panic looking for him. She popped up on us one time at Chili's and threw a drink in his face, and then threw the glass on the ground.

I would assume he was using her. But really he was using all of us against each other. Then finally, I had my last straw with him after he kicked a dent in my car because of a new chick he was dealing with, and I also had developed fibroids, so we weren't sleeping together anymore. So I started to see him as he truly was,

okay. After many failed attempts with psychics, counselors, and support groups, I started just to go back to church because that was the plan from the beginning was to start a relationship with Jesus, but he detoured it because of the things he had me doing, like I didn't think God was near. I would deal with me, but thank you, [00:23:00] Jesus.

I was wrong. So one day in a shower, I was in tears. Anxiety, depressed, thinking about this man, and I cried out to God in my sorrow and I told him that I can't do this alone, and I've been trying to do this alone, but no matter what I do, nothing works. And I need him to help me because I can't do this. I simply can't do this.

And I need you, Jesus, to help me get away. From someone that makes me feel so bad. And the reason I'm getting emotional, 'cause I just remember how bad I used to feel like my mind was engulfed with him, and I just didn't understand why someone who treated me so terrible, I couldn't stop thinking about them.


Healing and Recovery
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So I cried out to Jesus and then I started going back to church. [00:24:00] And every day I will watch this guy on YouTube, RC Blanks, and he is a preacher and he would minister about this type of relationship in a biblical way. And the Lord was working on my heart, but not just my heart, but other areas that were in me that would cause me to stay in a relationship that was so bad for me.

Because after five years of this type of abuse, I had to ask myself like, what is wrong with me that I tolerated this for so long? And Jesus, the healer fixed everything at the root. He exposed the rejection issues, people pleasing issues, boundary issues, not having a voice issues, and the biggest issue he fixed that caused all the other issues.

Was not knowing my identity, that I am a child of God, a woman of God, an heir to the most high [00:25:00] King. Once Jesus showed me who I truly am, I was free. And I thank him now for that toxic relationship because at the end of it, it made me a better, stronger, wiser. And now I know who I am in Christ and that's where the freedom truly is.

And now I know I was not innocent at all in that relationship, even though yes, he was bad, but so was I not just as bad as him. And I was deceiving myself So. It's freedom in knowing the truth and knowing your identity and how Jesus saved me from myself and freed me, and now I walk in peace, love, and joy, and a sound mind.

This process did take about a year, maybe two, to be completely healed, but it was the best journey I embarked. 


Scriptures for Strength
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And through the process, here are some [00:26:00] scriptures that I will meditate on every day to help my mind and my heart. The first one is Philippians four, eight. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely.

Whatever is admirable, anything is excellent or praiseworthy. Think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received, or heard from me or seen in me, put it into practice and the God of peace will be with you. This scripture helped my mind because my mind used to be so filled with him and the things he'd done to me.

So I had to recite this scripture to like shift my mindset. And then the next scripture is Psalms 34, verse 18. The Lord is closed to the brokenhearted and saves though who are crushed in [00:27:00] spirit. Clearly, I love this scripture for obvious reasons, because I was brokenhearted and I need to know that the Lord was with me in this.

And lastly, my favorite scripture, Philippians four 13. I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me. This scripture lets me know it's okay to feel weak. Afraid and suffer. And in that I can turn to Jesus who will help me get through and that he did. And now I walk in peace, love, and joy. I don't wish Ill on my ex.

I pray for him. I hope he's better now and I thank him now because of him. I am now with Christ set free, a new croation for such a time, and God is amazing. I never thought I will be [00:28:00] free, but with Jesus, anything is possible. 


Final Thoughts and Prayer
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So before I go, I'm gonna go ahead and pray. Lord, we come to you in the name of Jesus and I just wanna say thank you again.

Jesus. Thank you so much for setting me free from those unhealthy relationships and drawing me near to you. Lord, I am so grateful for you, Lord, and I wanna pray for others, God who are in relationships where they are, making them feel less than who they truly are, Lord, because Lord, you can't, so we can have life and have it more

abundantly. So if they're in a relationship, Lord, that is disrupting their peace, their mind, their sanity, Lord, allow them to see Lord, that that is not the relationship that you will have them be in. Remind them Lord, that a relationship that you will want them to be in God will be easy just like you.

They will feel love, the same love you provide, they will feel peace. The same peace you provide, they will feel. [00:29:00] Gentleness, kindness, wholeness, God in the same way. Remind them, God, what love truly is and not what they're receiving. Now, God, remind them of that and meet them where they are, God so they can be set free as well, and let them know that peace and joy is coming and that anything is possible with you.

Jesus. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. All right. Thank you so much for tuning in. I truly hope this testimony encouraged you and helped set you free because I did not think I was gonna be free from that, and I'm so grateful today now. But anyway, bye.